My Family
by Hypnotoad76
Summary: Jeff and Annie's son reads a essay about his family


"Good afternoon parents, family members, students, fellow teachers, friends and others. Welcome to this year's Riverside elementary family day. This year we're starting off things a little differently, where we're beginning with our presentation from our second grade class. A few weeks ago our four second grade classes were told to write an essay on their family, with the best essay being read by a student at our family day assembly. While there were many good essays, one in particular stood out. It was written by a young man who, I must say, has one of the most interesting families we've ever heard of. And so it is my pleasure to introduce this year's second grade essay speaker: Max Winger."

Everyone clapped as Max walked over to the podium on stage, with his teacher patting him on the shoulder before taking her seat. Max rearranged his essay and looked out into the crowd, nervous at having to speak in front of everyone. He looked down and saw his mom, dad and baby sister in the front row, along with the rest of his family. They were all smiling up at him, with his Uncle Abed pointing a video camera in his direction. Feeling less nervous at seeing them he cleared his throat before he began.

"**My Family, by Max Winger**. My mommy and daddy have told me that your family isn't just who is related to you by blood. That there are times you become so close to someone that they become part of your family. I asked them how will I know when that happens and they said I just will.

"My family doesn't all look the same. Some members have light skin, while others have dark skin. Some have dark hair, while other people have blond and white hair." Pierce smiled fondly while Shirley grinned widely as Max continued. "But none of that matters. All that matters is that they are my family and they love me. And I love them.

"So who is my family? Hang on, I'm about to tell you." He paused as the audience laughed at that one. "Here's who they are. First there is my dad. He's really tall and spends a lot of time making his hair look just right." Jeff chuckled as Annie rubbed the back of his hand with her fingers. "My dad is a lawyer. He wears suits and goes to court and helps people who have broken the law. At home he liked to watch Denver Bronco's football games. He's happy when they win, but yells at the TV whenever the other team wins. He can be sneaky and lets me do things mommy won't let me do, like eat in the living room." The audience again laughed as Annie rolled her eyes while Jeff smirked and gave her a 'what?' look. "He likes comics and had gotten me some to start my own collection. He likes Spider-Man the best, but my favorite is Batman."

"My mom looks kind of like Ariel from The Little Mermaid, but she had brown hair and is human. She works for the hospital, where she managers the radiology department. Even though she is busy a lot she still likes to do things with me, like take me to the park and play on the playground and read stories to me. When I was younger I loved when she would read _The Three Billy Goats Gruff _and would do funny voices for each character." Annie smiled fondly at the memory of that. "She's sterner then my dad but still smiles and laughs a lot. She makes sure my homework is correct, checking it over every night. She lets me watch shows like The Simpsons and SpongeBob, but she won't let me watch Family Guy. She says I'm too young to watch it and I'll have to wait until I'm older. I can't wait because it had a talking dog and talking dogs are awesome. She also has a lot of stuffed animals. Most of them are in the attic, but a couple she gave to me. Like her kangaroo Ruthie.

"People have said that my parents have a May/December romance. When I was younger I didn't get that because my dad's birthday is in November. But now I know it means when two people are together and one is older than the other. Some kids have made jokes about my dad being older then my mom, but I don't see anything wrong because they love each other very much. They're always kissing and they laugh and joke when they make dinner or wash the dishes. So if they're happy I don't see what's the big deal.

"I used to be an only child, but now I have a baby sister. My sister Catherine was born three months ago." Almost on cue Catherine cooed and started fussing. Annie gently rocked and shushed her and the baby drifted back to sleep. "Catherine has large blue eyes like mom, and my dad keeps saying he's hopeful she won't have his nose and forehead." Jeff lightly groaned as the audience laughed heartedly at that. "Sometimes she can be annoying, like when she cries at night or when she needs her diaper changed. But often I don't mind her. When I hold her she'll grab at my fingers with her little hands. Mom and dad say I'm now a big brother and I have to watch out for my little sister.

"Those are the family members that I live with. Now I will talk about the other members of my family. I have two uncles, two aunts, a grandpa and a grandma. My uncles Troy and Abed are really cool and fun. Uncle Abed is tall and thin, and is great with impressions. Whenever he comes over we do scenes from a movie or TV show and he completely becomes the character. He really likes movies and works for a movie company that makes documentaries. Most of them are boring, but he finds ways to make them more interesting. Sometimes it seems like he can do anything. Once my dad, Uncle Abed and Uncle Troy were playing hockey and Abed won. And when I asked him how long he had been playing for he said that was the first time he had ever played.

"Uncle Troy is a lot like a big kid. He gets excited over a lot of stuff and is always really silly. He's always coming up with cool games to play. Like beatbox tag, where after you're tagged you have to come up with a awesome beatbox routine before you're not frozen. Or extreme hide and seek. He gets upset and cries a lot, but says that real men aren't afraid to cry when their upset. Plus Homer Simpson cries a lot to, and he's also funny. And while Homer is funny, he isn't as cool as Uncle Troy, so there's nothing wrong with crying sometimes.

"My Aunt Britta looks like she should be on a motorcycle, since she always wears boots and leather jackets. But she drives a car. She also gets excited about a lot of stuff. She's really smart because she's always talking about stuff I don't understand, like some guy named Oedipus who has issues." Jeff glared at Britta while she gave him a slightly exasperated look. "Or talking about gender stereotypes, which I also don't understand. She has a bunch of cats which she gets from animal shelters. Many of them have eye patches she knitted herself. My favorite is Cinnamon. I was there when she picked him out and even though she didn't like the name she let me name him.

"Uncle Troy and Aunt Britta have been dating for a while now. They live with Uncle Abed, so it's always fun when I visit them at their place. I asked Aunt Britta why doesn't she and Uncle Troy get married and she talked for a long time on why she thinks marriage is bad, even though she thinks it's all right that mommy and daddy are married." Annie grimaced slightly as Britta simply shrugged. "But as long as they make each other happy then that's all that matters.

"My other aunt is Aunt Shirley." Shirley smiled widely as she looked up at Max. "She's really nice and is always saying 'that's nice'. She's a really good cook and I always love it when I go over to her house for dinner. She owns a bakery and she always gives me a cookie whenever I go there. Sometimes she gets stern with people and her voice gets low and scary, but she never yells at me. Whenever I'm sick she makes me chicken noodle soup. While I hate being sick I love that soup." The audience laughed as Shirley giggled at that one.

"Shirley is married and has three kids of her own. Her first two sons, Elijah and Jordon, are a lot older than me so I don't play with them that much. But her youngest son Ben is closer to my age and we play together a lot. Usually the two of us will play with Susie, a girl who lives down the street. We like to go to the park and play king of the mountain on a giant flat rock.

"My grandma is my dad's mother. Whenever I see her she always hugs me and tells me stories about when my dad was my age. Like how when he was a kid he would play in the mud when it rained and get so dirty she couldn't tell what color his hair was anymore." The audience laughed as Doreen smiled at that memory. "She has a big garden in her back yard and she lets me help her water her plants. We've gone on trips together that are really fun, like to the petting zoo and riding on the carousel."

"Grandpa Pierce is my other grandparent. He's really rich and lives in a huge house with a giant pool and big back yard. He's very silly and sometimes doesn't know what he's doing, like when we play video games and he always dies right away." Pierce frowned as the audience laughed at that. "He likes to watch black and white movies and the three stooges. We always laugh whenever we watch them together. He always calls me 'little nipper', which I like even though I don't know what it means. A lot of times Grandpa Pierce says things I don't understand. But he's funny and makes me laugh." At that one Pierce smiled fondly.

"Though they're my grandpa and grandma they aren't married or dating. I asked daddy once if they were married and he spit his coffee out of his mouth." The audience laughed as Jeff rubbed his forehead. "He said 'over my dead body'. Then mommy yelled at him for being mean and told me they were MY grandpa and grandma, but that they weren't in a relationship with each other.

"This is my family. While only a few of us are related by blood that is not only what makes a family. A family is the people who you love and are there for you. If that is the case then I have a very good family, because everyone cares about each other a lot. Thank you."

Everyone in the audience stood up and cheered as Max finished reading his essay. He walked off the stage where his family ran up to him. His mother hugged him while his father told him what a great job he did. Uncle Abed said they could watch the tape later on that night. Grandpa Pierce asked Jeff why it would be so bad if he dated Doreen, while Aunt Shirley told Max he wrote a great speech and that they were all going out to celebrate afterwards. As Max went back on stage to join the rest of the second graders he took one more look at his family. They were the best family ever, he thought.


End file.
